It’s the end of the second full week of 2025. At this point I was hoping to write about how my first 8 days going to the office full time went. Unfortunately, that isn’t possible.
On my first Thursday commute, I hit a pothole wrong and dumped my scooter. After a few hours in the lovely Seattle VA ER, I found out I had fractured my scapula. An injury the kind doctor informed me is usually only discovered during an autopsy. I suppose I should count myself as fortunate that it was found on me while I was still breathing.
The 10 days after my accident have made me remember exactly why I am trying to get out of my home and my head more.
I’ve seen one person that I know in that time. I can’t carry my backpack and my scooter is still at the office so I have no way of commuting to or from work. My family is all out of state and my closest friends here have incredibly busy lives.
So it’s just been me and Ellie, the brightest spot in my life. I really rely on her constant energy and joy, even when we’re both stuck inside she’s always glad just to cuddle up next to me and sleep.
Ordinarily, I love living alone and really enjoy the time I spend baking and working on various hobbies and tasks during the weekend. I can’t really do any of those things that I enjoy and find meaningful because the scapula I fractured is on my dominant side.
I tried baking and managed to get a few things out that I’m proud of. The taste of a freshly baked cracker is a nice bit of solace and a great reminder to keep doing what I can, even if it’s not that much.
I am someone who has struggled with depression for most of my adult life. One of the most fun things about that disorder is that it makes every bad thing seem permanent. It literally feels like even if my shoulder heals, I will feel this way for the rest of my life. I will never see anyone I care about or who cares about me.
I do my best to remember that it is just the disease talking but I haven’t been doing a great job of it. In fact, the longer I spend alone the darker my thoughts become.
Even FaceTime doesn’t seem to help anymore. My accident has made me realize that actual physical people are the only way to have a meaningful life. It doesn’t matter if I spend 8 hours a day talking with my mom, when things go wrong there is absolutely nothing either of us can do to help the other.
I don’t know where to go from here. I still have 5 weeks in a sling left before I’ll have full use of my primary hand and arm, hopefully.
It would be very nice to see someone I know.